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STORIES OF ME AND MY FAMILY |
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A Personal Story Anyone
reading this that knows me, knows that I am generally not a mean man. I
was raised in good family and instructed at an early age to know the
difference between good and evil. My grandmothers and mother especially
taught me to respect all women. Most of my life I have tried to live by
the ethics that I was thought. I can’t say that I have always been
perfect, who is, but I have tried. I
know I, sound like the way back machine that used to be on a kids TV
show I watched, but I try to illustrate things in these stories and use
my own life as an example sometimes. I refer maybe too often to things
that happened to me as a young man. That may be because I have now had
time to look back and reflect on what I did and what it meant in my
life. So here goes another story from those years. When
I was in High School, I was not a straight A student, but I was pretty
good. I was thin then, had lots of hair, and was considered to be pretty
good looking. I played football and other sports so I had a great build.
I also played music as has already been described in other stories and
had a band that was on the radio and TV and held dances that some of the
kids went to. I made enough money playing music that I could afford to
build up a real cool car that everyone looked at.
I was popular in school and I liked going to school. I was not an
elected official like class president or anything like that, but was a
member of the board of control and represented the school at other
statewide events. I
started playing in a band at a very young age and was used to getting up
in front of people and talking and playing music. I was very confident
in my ability. I was not cocky or overbearing or anything like that,
just satisfied in who I was and like the attention I got and the respect
I got from friends and relatives as well as people who came to hear me
play. It was a real fun time for me, and even though I was going through
all the normal things that kids go through, everyday. I was satisfied
with my life. I bring these things up not to brag about me so much as to
try to show what my life was like in those days even if it does sound
like bragging. As
it turned out we needed a girl singer in the band. There were a pair of
gals who where going around the area singing in some of the places we
played that were pretty good. One of the girls was a gal by the name of
Judy. She was a nice gal who had taught herself how to play the guitar
and sing. She had a real great voice and was not bad to look at either.
One day I asked the girls if they would like to be guests on our regular
Saturday morning radio show. They of course jumped at the chance and as
soon as we could we asked them to come on the show. The audience
reaction was real good and I decided to ask Judy if she would consider
joining our band. At first she did not want to break up with her girl
friend she was singing with, but her girlfriend was going with a guy and
was kind of losing interest in being a singer anyway so she came with us
in the band. Well
as young people are prone to do, we became closer and closer. Ok not
that close, she was a very nice girl and nice girls did not do that in
those days until after they were married or at least that is what they
told us boys. We started dating and going everywhere together. We played
most dates together and just hung out together when ever we could. She
lived in I
started expanding the band and included many more GIs from Things
went well between the two of us for quite a time after that. My parents
liked Judy and liked her parents. They would play cards and have dinners
together. Judy and I would usually just go out into one of the cars
behind the houses and neck. Yes that is what they called it in those
days. Well the neck is about as far as I got also. Like I said before
Judy was a nice girl. When
we did play on the same stage or when I would go to listen to her sing,
she would sing the love songs looking at me. I could tell the words were
coming from her hart. I could see in her eyes and body that she was
deeply in love with me. She knew it and the worst part was that I knew
it also. She did all she could to let me know how much she cared for me.
Actually I was kind of cold to her but it did not seem to dissuade her
at all. It
was getting about this time to the time I was starting into my senior
year in High School. I had decided that I wanted to break up with Judy
and play the field so to speak. Judy had planned a birthday party for me
and had gotten me a present with the little money she had made. It was a
real nice time in the basement of her friend’s house that she used to
play and sing with when I had met her. We ate cake and ice cream and
danced to Johnny Mathus records. We did a little necking there also. At
the end of the evening we went out to my car to say goodbye as Judy’s
friend and her boyfriend, who she later married, were getting involved
more than what we wanted to be part of. As I went to leave, I, for some
reason just blurted that I wanted to brake up with her. At first she
looked as if she had not heard me, so I said it again. “I want to
brake up with you Judy.” She looked at me with disbelief and said “I
love you, I thought you loved me, I thought we were going to get
married”. “Get married? I said, you are too stupid to be my wife.”
……… You are too stupid to be my wife…… God what words to say?
Why did I say it that way? She
was a pretty poor student, but I think in her mind she just wanted to be
my wife and she would not have to go to college as I was going to go and
become a doctor so she did not try much in school Anyway she started to
cry and ran out of the car and back into the house. I put the Ford in low gear squealed the brakes and speed
off to my house in I
went with other girls my senior year and had a ball. I though very
little about Judy even though my mom would ask about her from time to
time. She never seemed to like the girls I was currently dating. I
continued having fun with girls of all kinds and was kind of getting
sick of the superficial stuff that goes along with dating until I met my
wife Jackie and we feel in love and got married. I was so happy and in
love with Jackie and loving being a husband and soon a father, that
little else ever crept into my mind about the past or other gals I had
known. When I say known I don’t mean in the biblical way known. I
admit it; even though I had many chances, I was as virgin as could be
when I was with Jackie for the first time, as she was with me. That is
the way it is supposed to be and I highly recommend it. As
time went by and my life settled down to work and raising a family with
all those responsibilities, I found myself reflecting on my past and
what my life was all about. I have always been fairly religious and
believed in God and in doing the right thing. I knew about repentance
and the steps one must do to receive forgiveness of sins. I found myself
thinking of things that I had done and things I was not too proud of in
the past. Eventually a deep remorse came over me about what I had done
to Judy and the way I had done it. I remember I used to laugh as she
tried to call me or send me a letter. She even walked by the window
where I worked hoping to see me. I just laughed it all off and thought
she was pathetic. Now I was not so sure she was the pathetic one. As
I was getting older I could feel my own mortality and sense of what was
important in life. The more I thought about it the more I thought about
Judy. I used to relive it and dream about it. I finally told Jackie
about it and she tried to reassure me that it was probably not as bad as
I had remembered. But I knew it was that bad, at least to me it was that
bad. I had saddled myself with guilt and Heavenly Father was telling me
that I know what I had to do and I had better do it soon. My
mother, for some reason had stayed in contact with Judy and would
occasionally get a card or letter from her. As it turned out she was a
working musician at a regular gig in I
waited for a few months after my mom got the number before calling Judy.
I had to build up the courage to make the call. I wondered if she would
just hang up. It would have served me right. I deserved to be hung up
on; I had done it to her many times. When I did call, for some reason it
seemed she was expecting the call and recognized my voice almost
immediately. She seemed as nice and attentive to me on the phone as she
was many years ago. No hint of anger or regret. We made small talk for a
time and then I asked her if my wife and I could visit her and her
husband. She said that sounded like a great idea and suggested that we
try to get as many members of the old band together as well. We decided
to play some of the old radio show tapes and tapes form other shows that
we did just to reminisce. We were then going to talk about old times and
get to know each other one more time. Then have a nice dinner together
which Judy graciously agreed to prepare. The
big day finally came. Most of the old gang was coming including the
parents of most of the gang that were still alive. It was a wonderful
party with much laughter listening to the old show tapes. We all decided
that we were not as good then as our memory told us we were. We looked
at old photos and memorabilia that some of the band members brought with
them like press clippings and programs. After a real enjoyable day, we
started to filter out and go to our own homes. As I was about to leave I
asked Judy and her husband if it would be alright with them if I spoke
with Judy for a minute alone. They agreed and my wife stayed and visited
with Judy’s husband and Judy and I made our way to the deck outside
her home. Judy
looked a little funny at me wondering what I wanted with her. When we
got outside I hesitated for a moment, turned to look at her as tears
started to flow in my eyes. I said something to the effect: “Judy do
you remember the day I broke up with you when we were kids and what I
said?” She said “yes.” Well I just want to tell you how sorry I am
for what I said and that I was the one who was too stupid to be your
husband not the other way around. Can you ever forgive me? By this time
she was crying as well and we were holding each other face to face
crying there together. She smiled at me and said “of course I forgive
you Larry; I did that may years ago. Please do not let it bother you
anymore, it doesn’t bother me anymore.” “But I was so terrible and
mean, for heaven sake you gave me a party and then I did what I did”.
She said “it was not like you and I knew it, you are not a mean
person, you have been kind all your life and coming here to say you are
sorry proves it”. I told her how much I appreciated her saying that
and how much it meant to me to be forgiven by her. I
went home and Jackie knew what I had done. I did not have to tell her
she just hugged me and looked at me with her big beautiful eyes and
seemed to be proud of me. You see I knew I had repented of what I had
done to another person. I knew that Heavenly Father would forgive me. I
knew that Jesus had died for this sin as well, but I had not and could
not forgive myself for what I had done until Judy said the words to me
after I asked for her forgiveness. I feel that day my grandmothers and
father were looking down on me and were smiling and proud of me. And I
was proud of myself after a long time of not feeling that proud of that
part of my life. Judy
died not to long after that day. I attended the funeral and was so happy
that I had been inspired to do what I did and that I could rest easy
knowing that I had lived up to the expectations I have for myself and my
family.
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